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(Jacket | Zara)
I was bullied. Big time.
When I was around 14 I didn't have hindsight.. I couldn't see an end.
All I wanted was out.
The bullies were ruining my life..
In high school I was very shy and a major push over. I was a part of a group girls who could one day be my bestest friends and the next hate me (Apart from two - who know who they are)
There was one girl in the group In particular who was disgustingly horrible to me and I could never bring myself to stand up for myself.
We were walking home one day and she turned on me as she often did.
"Put your hand up if you have a man voice" she stopped in her tracks as we were walking over the golf course.
From the minute she started to walk with us from the gates, I was praying I could click my fingers and be at home.
Because I didn't raise my hand, she threw a can of drink that was open at my head and got my other friends to all laugh at me.
Another time she tried to start a fight and got everyone around us to shout 'Fight, fight, fight'
I was terrified and started crying, which made it worse.
I couldn't see an end to this all.. I remember wishing I could have the courage to walk in front of a car so then it would all end and my mum would not know I intentionally killed myself.
I remember my heart aching at the thought of waking up and facing another day at school.
One of my friends and I wrote down a plan to run away..
She was subject to racist remarks in school and wanted out too. I remember talking to her about ending our lives together but luckily she didn't want too.
I know I wouldn't have done it but I remember feeling so wrapped up in my self that it would have been so dangerous for me to be around the wrong people.
In year 9 things started to look up and I came out of my shell more but still a target for bullying.

This is a message to those of you who are subject to bulling from an older and wiser person who was going through the same.
I didn't want to come forward and tell people about how bad it was getting because I felt it would make things worse and that she would be even more angry with me.
It won't be forever. You won't know these people in a few years time. DON'T STAND FOR IT.
My biggest regret is never standing up for myself.. I thought she would hurt me if I did and when I look back I wished I had told someone just how serious it was getting.
It's so important and trust that they will handle it in the right way.
That's what scares me most.. Is that people suffer alone and
I can totally see why.. I was also that person. It doesn't have to be that way! They need to be stopped so they don't make anyone else lives a misery.
The girl I'm referring too is going through a lot of issues now and I don't even call it karma..
She was horrible and she chose certain choices in life.
All you can do is continue to be kind and a better person and you WILL come through the other side.
I'm so so sick of hearing of people ending their lives because of bullying.
BE KIND. Question your actions too.. don't upset people and stand up for people that may be subject to bullying.
It's so incredibly important to make it your aim in life to simply be kind to one another.
We have one, very short life.
Love is everything.


FEELINGS CLUB | BEING BULLIED


LET'S TALK ABOUT THE BLUE


Along with evening binge sessions on youtube and admittedly way too many loose-woman catch ups than I'd like to admit, I also like to be a grown up and read self-health and wellbeing articles.
I have openly shared my own issues involving mental illness on my social media accounts.. Unhealthy/lack of eating habits as well as experiencing ongoing depression and anxiety, I find these blogs to not only self-inspire but an absolute credit for contributing towards general human-health and happiness!
One website that's worth referencing is girlboss.com - the website offers work/health/fashion relatable content thats is presented on a person scale by different authors.
One article in particular offers advice by the CEO of Flywheel Sports Clearly she boasts a very full on and challenging life and with that comes stress..
So can we have a balance? I ask myself this every day.
Sarah mentions that being the best version of yourself is the key to success.
I believe that whatever you try in life, you ask yourself if you're really trying hard enough and whether you really want too.
Don't get in your own way. Believe in your decisions which in turn leads to self-confidence and and really appreciating your worth.
Best of all, learn that your failures lead to your successes.
So this is all well and good, right? But in practice it isn't so black and white.
That's because we constantly face our inner demons on a daily basis to make life even MORE hard!
So here's the thing.
I should be at least on the right pathway to a successful career, right?
But then half of me wants to just live in hotels, out of my suitcase, earning enough to get me by but travelling the world, which of course to me is priceless.
In a world where there is now endless opportunity I can't help but feel my focus to be blurred.
It's like I'm in a supermarket and there is a huge row of aisle and it's like I can only go down one, but I want to see the other and what I may be missing out on.
Theres a time limit and we aren't always aware of it. We assume we have all the time in the world.
Sit down and tell yourself you are 10 years older than you are and how you feel about it.
You might be married with children, working the same job, a little bit more money?
Time creeps up on you. May I remind you that the paramore days were 10 YEARS AGO.
It's the unknown, so yes I know it's hard but tell yourself you are now, say, 35.. You are working in the same job, maybe more money to buy extra treats at the end of the month..
How did you feel about it?
See, I did this and it scared me.
I  closed my eyes and I still want to travel the world but also have a successful career and that is because of how I feel RIGHT NOW.
I need to make a decision and that is the answer right now.
People change, that's a given. But if you aren't happy in your current situation NOW you have to change it yourself NOW.
We as humans are great at making excuses but time doesn't give a flying crap about your excuses.
It can't even promise you tomorrow.
- To end on a positive -
If you take anything at all away from this article, take away the importance of effectively making your everyday life as happy as possible TODAY.
Keep on keeping on.
When it gets worse.
IT WILL GET BETTER.
One of my favourite ever people on this planet says something often that truly sticks and that is
"If you always do what you've always done, you always get what you've always got"

KEEP ON KEEPING ON


ETSY FINDS

SHOP THE LOOK | TOP - H&M | LEGGINGS - H&M 

Another self-confessed mental illness related post? In my opinion there aren't enough. We all feel bouts of loneliness, even people who have hundreds of people around them - loneliness is a result of feeling disconnected and all of us will go through these moments in life.
A person close me told me that they felt lonely and depressed recently. The last person in the world I would ever expect to open up and tell me about that. It broke my heart that they felt so disconnected and unsure of life and turning to someone wasn't as easy as you'd think.
I'm a huge fan when it comes to self-help and general wellbeing.. I think we just rally round and talk about these issues more! Let it be 'the norm' so more people feel like they can actually talk about it and not feel ashamed..
Here's a few pointers that help me when I'm feeling generally lonely.

Don't isolate yourself:

I'm sitting in my room as I write this after working all day and not speaking to anyone. Around two years ago I spent a lot of time in my room, tucked away, avoiding seeing anyone. I look back now and regret wasting so much of my time. This evening I'll go watch a film with my mum and make her some dinner. Sometimes just being around someone you love is enough, you don't have to talk if you don't feel like it. If you live alone, phone/facetime a friend if you don't feel like going out - or even better, go out for a drink with someone!

Keep busy:

I know you don't want too, I know you want to curl up under your duvet. I remember thinking in the summer a few years ago, it's harder to go under the blanket in the summer because it's so hot and googling dark curtains in order to keep the sunshine out of my room. This seems crazy to think of now! Walking is now my favourite thing to do! Keeping yourself entertained and busy is the best bit of advise for being lonely. You don't have to have money, you can just jump on the bus or arrange times with friends or family. The more you get in the swing of being busy, the easier it is to face. You'll be distracted and enjoying your life!

Be good to yourself:

Definitely the most important. If you learn to love yourself (I'm still working on this) you'll learn to enjoy your own company. Give yourself a break! Tell yourself how important you are and appreciate that in your circumstances, it could always be worse. Maybe when you jump on the bus, go to one of your favourite shops and buy yourself a little treat!

Self help books do work:

They're there for a reason. My sister lives by these silly, inspirational quotes and I use to shrug them off. I now realise how important and helpful they actually are. Self-help books are the same! I decided to head to my local library and get a bunch of them! (Some good books include Loneliness by June Hunt and Freedom from Loneliness by Jennifer Page) - Even if you read a page or two, here and there it's something. Addressing why your mind is so powerful and dealing with these emotions makes it easier to deal with!

Reach out to someone:

It was hard for the person mentioned early to tell me about how they are feeling, really hard. A lot of people tend to keep things bottled up in fear of feeling weak minded or even being naive to how they are actually feeling! Talking about it is addressing it.. They may even open up and tell you that they understand and have felt the same way. Reaching out to anyone, even your doctor to even talk about gets it out in the open and things instantly feel more clearer. Honestly, just taking about things can take a huge weight off your shoulders. We, as humans, deal with a lot in our daily lives as it is. Talk. You are human. It's ok too.. Just remember that you aren't alone and we all feel the same way.. Don't keep it bottled up, it'll only get worse.

I hope some of these points can help/remind you in any way possible that the more we learn to love and feel great about ourselves, the more we enjoy our one life! Let me know how you get on in the comments!

FEELING ALONE


MELLOW YELLOW

WHITE SHIRT TO LIFE GOALS

(The following are unedited)

You know those annoying people who ask annoying questions like if you could only choose one product you can't live without and you could literally choose a sibling you'd have to save in a fire before choosing that one product.. Well I know. I know the product! The product I constantly have anxiety for when it could possibly discontinue. 
Ladies and gents.. this here is the No Filter finishing powder in shade Alabaster. This baby saves me from 2 hour sleeps and crusty Sunday mornings. 
Not only does it hide spots like a boss, it doesn't crease - it also brightens and illuminates the skin too without making you appear too flat. 
I'm in total love and I only found this product after browsing the NYX counter, waiting for sister.
I had just finished the YSL touche éclat blur perfector and I wasn't overly impressed especially as I found it to be really expensive for a needless addition to your make up bag. If you want a long lasting finishing powder, give this a go!
So yeah, I've got my self in the foot now because do I post this and risk you all buying it or do I keep it to myself. 
I'm too good to you guys, man.

THE ONE

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