8 YEARS.


I've been with my boyfriend for 8 years now. 
I met him in the Myspace days and started out as a friend.. This is what he saw when he first saw my profile.

About me: 

17, Straight Edge, Feminist and Mars Bar addict.
My favourite smell is petrol. Don't ask.
I suck my thumb but with little fucks given.
I love dogs. I have two and they will always come before you.
My top 8 is concrete. Don't ask to be a part of it.
I hate smokers. You lungs will be black and you will die. Stop.
Sylvia Plath, Jackie Kennedy and Jessica Mitford are EVERYTHING.
P.S I write emotional poetry and dream about running away from home with £30 in my pocket and the world at my feet.

For real. I was a deal, right? Don't slap my face, I was an actual deal.

At the time I had a very mixed relationship with my father but he was the only male I had time for so as you can see, Dan didn't have it easy with me at the start. 
I found out as I got older and the collapse of my parents marriage, I didn't deal with it well. I saw my mum as a victim, my dad as the cause. My mum was single and my dad had found someone else quite quickly. It was all black and white in my head. A winner and loser and I was on the loser's side, suffering without a father I once relied on and trusted in. I thought my father cheated and left my mum alone with 4 of us. Even though now after years, I found that things weren't exactly as I thought my head was always a battle ground of emotions, self identity and acceptance. I needed to overcome that.


Dan - also known as DD- at the time was another guy with black hair and a checkered shirt. 
My group of friends didn't really like him, as well as me. He was a bit of a flirt and needed to be told  that actually he wasn't god's gift to mankind.
I walked into the ladies in a local gig one night and he was in there trying to cheer up a mutual friend as she was crying about a boy. I sighed and assumed he was nothing but an ass. 
Boys will do anything to get in their knickers these days, I'm glad I'm not into that.
Fast forward to 2007-2008 and you have JB'S - a dingy nightclub where rockers would dance to Paramore followed by Metallica and boy did I love it! 
I was 17 and my friends were 18 so week by week it was a struggle to actually sneak in! 
DD was there with his friends and we had been talking a little on MSN that week.
Okay, this is going to be awkward because now he is here and he's looking pretty cute with his shiny black hair and River Island checked hair.
I'm dancing now and pretty drunk; there's another boy, dancing towards me so I go with it. My plan was to be on the dance floor if DD was to arrive so I could avoid talking to him until I was well and truly trashed.
I could feel DD's eyes on the back of my head trying to get my attention. 
What do I do? Kiss the guy I'm dancing with of course! 
After a much regretted sloppy kiss I turned around to see Dan had gone.
Suddenly I was stood feeling empty and guilty..

Fast forward again to months later, I told myself I didn't like this guy but remember questioning why I always felt utter disappointment to find he wasn't online and wondered would always ask his friends to talk him into going to gigs that I was going too.

It was August 2008 and my sister Harriet said I should consider dating this guy and I admitted he had asked me before but was insulted and he hadn't asked again. If I was to move my bestie to second in my Top 8 I would have hell to pay!

 My sister text him and I ran into the hall until I heard a beep.

"Ouch!"

"Ouch?" 

The suspense was killing me and with that response I was about to kill him. 

"Are you OK?" I felt obliged to ask.

"Yeah, I'm OK.. girlfriend ;) I just jumped up with excitment and whacked my head off the ceiling!".


8 years and a half later, we have just finished a year together in Australia and he has returned from a month in Vietnam and I'm in London writing this post feeling overwhelmed that another human has wanted to spend such an amount of time with me.

It hasn't been easy and times have been hard but overall? It's been more easy then it has hard and I think that's the secret. Yes sure you remember the bad times but try to always remember the good..
One morning after dating for a few months I remember being told to leave his house in the early hours of the morning because he was going to work for his Grandad. It was literally -20 degrees outside and it was morning. I was in a foul mood I stormed off towards the bus stop.. I heard his motorbike riding up behind me and I had made it to the bottom of the hill until I heard it cut out and make a funny noise. There was Dan at the side of the road with his Slipknot Hoody tangled in his bike wheel.

"I was about to bring you this to keep warm but.."

I smiled and felt instantly warm.

So, the chain sort of went like this after the first year...

It still worked but that was when it became hard.

I mentioned breaking up one morning on Brighton sea front, he wanted to stay at work forever ever by the looks of things and I needed to travel. He wouldn't let me end it and so we stayed together and months later booked America! 

Trust ISN'T everything but be honest and open..

It's annoying when everyone states 'trust' in being everything in a relationship. Do you ever trust someone 100 per cent? There will always be a smidge of jealousy. Do I think Dan would cheat on me? Not at all but should I completely rule it out? NO. People change, circumstances change. Be strong in your relationship and not naive to fairy tales. By all means don't jump off the train if things aren't running perfectly because that will not and never will happen. It's probably impossible.. It's just important to overcome the struggles together. You have to remain open with each other, discuss things, try to be mindful so a person WANTS to talk to you. Be mindful. Trust is a major part but it isn't everything, try not to over think your relationship. They're their OWN person too.

The Best Friend 

If they are your best friend and you don't want to ruin that. Take that risk. Going out with your best friend is the perfect foundation for a relationship. You know a lot about them already. You won't find out hidden flaws or the lists of people they're texting whilst texting you.
Honestly, risk it. Relationships are stronger than friendships. There, I said it. It will be worth it and if it didn't work.. Don't hate me.. Friendships don't always work either. You aren't going to stay friends forever because you didn't try out being in a relationship.

Opposites really DO attract 

Why would you decide to be with someone who is very similar with the interests as you. That's what your friends are for! Fair enough if it works and you are similar but don't avoid someone who isn't like you. Dan and I are very different and I like that there are different points of view on everything. You become more open minded and it's always interesting to see someone else's take on something. If he was to like fashion, throwing across his opinion and what not to wear etc I would be more limited to please my partner and conscious of myself. One thing I will mention is that it's best to not discuss say, politics etc all of the time. When you disagree on these topics there can be disagreements until the cows come home. Not a joke. Take my word for it. Opposites do attract because there's more substance and option in your relationship and you tend to try or do things you wouldn't normally do and that's fun!

Be YOU

Speaks for itself, I don't need to go in to that too much because yes, if you put on an act, then they aren't falling in love with you are they?

Being supportive!

This is what I believe has made our relationship. If they want to go travelling, move away for a while.. Whatever makes them happy you should support them and their life choices. Whether you like it or not you are only a part of their life and it's so important not to make it harder for them to do what they want to do. If you stick by them and let them follow their dreams then they will admire you for it. Dan is travelling now and I'm at home; I still love him and always will very much and I'm proud of him to be able to travel alone, meeting new friends and exploring different cultures!

Don't ask them to change..

Why do people feel they have the right to do this? Fair enough if it's little things that they should consider changing that you dislike - insert toilet seat dilemma's - but as a person you don't have the right to tell them to change the person they are! You need to learn to accept their flaws as well. Dan isn't a person who sings and dances about how much he loves me. The romantic side of him is quite limited too but when he does make those gestures it's really special and I accept he isn't like that; just as he accepts my perfectionism traits that can be really annoying to him!

Find time for each other..

This is something Dan and I have to work on in the future. He lives in Birmingham and I live in London and both of us are quite happy about that. It isn't easy but it's known as one of the biggest things to making a relationship work. Setting time without anyone else but each other. Not watching the TV either... Actually going out and being together and being happy with each other's company!

Side note..

Don't compare relationships to other relationships; it's not always as it seems, this is something I have to work on too. Consider the other person and how they might be feeling, why they aren't thinking of you all the time and that's OK, accept that they have their own crap. You want to inspire to be someone they can rely on, find comfort in - not another stress!
Enjoy being with someone and sharing your life experiences with that someone! 
Don't take this too seriously, your relationship WILL become a chore and a routine and who wants that? Yes, it will be hard but you HAVE to work on it, it won't be easy but it has to be enjoyable too so don't carry on with something if the good times don't outweigh the bad.
Just remember you derserve to be treated with respect and deserve happiness so be with someone who wants you to have that too!