FEELINGS CLUB | BEING BULLIED

(Jacket | Zara)
I was bullied. Big time.
When I was around 14 I didn't have hindsight.. I couldn't see an end.
All I wanted was out.
The bullies were ruining my life..
In high school I was very shy and a major push over. I was a part of a group girls who could one day be my bestest friends and the next hate me (Apart from two - who know who they are)
There was one girl in the group In particular who was disgustingly horrible to me and I could never bring myself to stand up for myself.
We were walking home one day and she turned on me as she often did.
"Put your hand up if you have a man voice" she stopped in her tracks as we were walking over the golf course.
From the minute she started to walk with us from the gates, I was praying I could click my fingers and be at home.
Because I didn't raise my hand, she threw a can of drink that was open at my head and got my other friends to all laugh at me.
Another time she tried to start a fight and got everyone around us to shout 'Fight, fight, fight'
I was terrified and started crying, which made it worse.
I couldn't see an end to this all.. I remember wishing I could have the courage to walk in front of a car so then it would all end and my mum would not know I intentionally killed myself.
I remember my heart aching at the thought of waking up and facing another day at school.
One of my friends and I wrote down a plan to run away..
She was subject to racist remarks in school and wanted out too. I remember talking to her about ending our lives together but luckily she didn't want too.
I know I wouldn't have done it but I remember feeling so wrapped up in my self that it would have been so dangerous for me to be around the wrong people.
In year 9 things started to look up and I came out of my shell more but still a target for bullying.

This is a message to those of you who are subject to bulling from an older and wiser person who was going through the same.
I didn't want to come forward and tell people about how bad it was getting because I felt it would make things worse and that she would be even more angry with me.
It won't be forever. You won't know these people in a few years time. DON'T STAND FOR IT.
My biggest regret is never standing up for myself.. I thought she would hurt me if I did and when I look back I wished I had told someone just how serious it was getting.
It's so important and trust that they will handle it in the right way.
That's what scares me most.. Is that people suffer alone and
I can totally see why.. I was also that person. It doesn't have to be that way! They need to be stopped so they don't make anyone else lives a misery.
The girl I'm referring too is going through a lot of issues now and I don't even call it karma..
She was horrible and she chose certain choices in life.
All you can do is continue to be kind and a better person and you WILL come through the other side.
I'm so so sick of hearing of people ending their lives because of bullying.
BE KIND. Question your actions too.. don't upset people and stand up for people that may be subject to bullying.
It's so incredibly important to make it your aim in life to simply be kind to one another.
We have one, very short life.
Love is everything.


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